I've become so Numb
by AbbyIsWhatWeAimFor
Summary: The gang's lives started turning for the worse when the three Curtis' brothers started changing. Darry yells at Pony more, and Soda turned to drugs. Pony's about to break. The gang's falling apart. And all this started, just because of a broken promise.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! Ready for another story? Hope so! Ever heard of the song called,"Numb" by Linkin Park? well, i have, and i absolutely LOVE that song. I lcan listen to it for HOURS. After listening to it all night, i thought of a story. Its about Pony and Darry, and if you know the song, you will understand what im writing about.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "The Outsiders" or "Numb" by Linkin Park.**

**Bold letters: Song**  
>Regular Letters<strong>: Story<strong>  
><strong>Got it? Get it? Good!<strong>  
><strong>Ages (if it matters) Pony 16, Soda 19, Darry 21, Two-bit 20, Steve 19<strong>  
><strong>The story is a songfic, so its half and half.<strong>  
><strong>'Nuff of this. Onward with the story! :)<strong>

XXXXX  
><strong>I've become so numb I can't feel you there<strong>  
><strong>Become so tired so much more aware<strong>  
><strong>I'm becoming this all I want to do<strong>  
><strong>Is be more like me and be less like you<strong>

XXXXX

I remember when Darry and I used to argue and yell at each other like there was no tomorrow. I thought Darry hated me. But Soda told him he actually does care about me. I didn't believe him, but after the runaway with Johnny, I actually thought Darry cared about me. When I saw him at the hospital after the church burned down and injured my two buddies, he cried. Actually cried. I told myself he does care. I thought life was going to be different.

Man, I was wrong. Things didn't get better, They just got worse. After Johnny's and Dally's death, my grades went down. I wasn't myself. Darry couldn't take anymore and started punishing me and yelling at me. He wanted me perfect. What he doesn't know is that im not perfect. I will never be. No matter how hard I try.

When Darry started yelling at me, Soda gave up on me and Darry having a better relationship. Soda hates us, and can't stand it. He's changing.

All this breaks my heart. We all used to be okay, but sense Darry wants me to be perfect and Soda's change, our small family is falling apart.

Two-bit barely comes over. He doesn't want to see the fighting. I only see him in town(rarely) and at school. He doesn't say hi. I don't understand...

I never see Steve anymore. I don't know if Soda and him are buddies. Steve never comes to our home. I don't miss him, but I worry.

I hate this. I can't take it anymore. Darry constantly yells at me when I don't do something perfect, and sometimes hurts me. Not bad, but just like a slap. I don't run. I don't know why. I think about running away. I wouldn't have to deal with my life anymore. I don't run because it would just cause more problems for Soda and Darry. I don't even know if they would care. Everytime I ask to go out Darry just says "home by 9" and storms off. He barely talks to me. I don't see what I have done wrong, other than not meeting his standards for being 'perfect'.

Me and Soda don't share a room anymore. Soda actually told me to move out. I was shocked at him, but he said it was for the best. I still have nightmares. I try not to scream so I don't wake up Darry or Soda. I don't want them grumpy and mean. That wouldn't be pretty.

I've been doing okay in school. I sometimes slack off, but then regret it when Darry finds out. He sure can smack.

Darry has my life planned out. But I don't want to follow him. I don't want to live up to his expectations.

I feel like im about to break. I can't take much more.

I think about ignoring Darry, but I dont because I know he will pretty much 'kill' me. Can't risk my life ending so early. Heh.

Two days its my birthday and i'll be 17. Wonder if anyone will be nice enough to say 'Happy Birthday'. Yeah, right.

Im tired of this. Im going to break.

XXXXX

**I'm tired of being what you want me to be**  
><strong>Feeling so faithless<strong>  
><strong>Lost under the surface<strong>  
><strong>I don't know what you're expecting of me<strong>  
><strong>Put under the pressure<strong>  
><strong>Of walking in your shoes<strong>

XXXXX  
><strong>So? good? Bad? I promise next chapter will be better and longer. :)<strong>

**Review pleaaaaaase? :3**

**-Abby**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews! My goal for this chapter is 12-15 (probably not gonna happen. XD) But, I can hope, right? XD Gonna keep this short and sweet. ;)**

**Enjoy this chapter and please review!**

**I don't own the song 'Numb' or 'The Outsiders' **

**This chapter will probably be confusing, but it's just flashing back to the past.**

**'Nuff talking. Heres chapter 2.**

**XXXXXX**

**I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
>Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface<br>Don't know what you're expecting of me  
>Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes<br>(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
>Every step that I take is another mistake to you<br>(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)**

**XXXXXX**

**((Sodapop's POV))**

I made them promise to stop fighting. But what do they do when I turn my back on them for one second? Fight. Just fight like they totally forgot that I made them PROMISE to stop. Is it really that hard to do a simple promise? I don't think so.

I remember that night I lost it. I couldn't take the arguing and them yelling at me to side. I hate being the middle child. It always seems like a good place, but to me, its hell. I ran out of the house. I couldn't think. I just ran. I couldn't take the yelling. I just. Couldn't. Take. It.

I remember Pony and Darry caught me. I told them I was sick and tired of the constant arguing and fighting. Darry and Pony promised to stop. I bet they only promised to stop just so I would come back. Well, I hope it made them happy.

I remember the first time they argued after they promised. Everytime I think of it, I want to run away. But I mean run away. Far from them. Far from the arguing. Far from everything.

I hate remembering it…It breaks me. I remember the looks on their faces. I remember Darry looking like I just shot him. He was pale. He had a apologetic look. Pony was the same. I just shook my head. "Just a simple promise," I yelled, and ran out of that house. I don't know if they ran after me. I didn't come back that whole night.

XXXXXX

((Flash back to fight; Ponys POV))

I just started school. I wasn't doing to hot, considering the gang lost two good buddies. I can't seem to get back to the groove. It just doesn't feel right without them. Life doesn't seem right without them.

I was lounging on the couch, reading a book. I was bored. I worked on my homework. I didn't finish it. I don't feel like it.

I started to doze off, but I was awoken by someone slamming the door. Darry. Only Darry slams the door when he's real angry. I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want to deal with him if he's angry.

I heard Darry storm off into the kitchen. I thought I was in the clear to hopefully make It to my room and not be stopped by him. I started fast walking to my room.

"Ponyboy Curtis, get your ass in here. NOW," Darry yelled. Damn it..

"What?" I asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Explain to me this," He said quite harsh, and handed me a piece of paper. I looked at it. It said 'Report Card'. Shit.

I looked over my card. B,C,D,D,C,F. Shit. Im failing almost all my subjects. Shit. Shit. SHIT.

"Well, kiddo, gonna explain to me why your failing?" Darry yelled.

"Uh-.." I couldn't think of what to say to him. If I tell him its because of Johnny and Dallys death, he'll just yell even more. What do I tell him? SHIT.

"Well, the grades aint gonna explain themselves!" He yells even louder.

Im about to lose it. I can't take it when he yells. I can feel the anger boil inside me…

"Shut up Darry! Its because of you! Your always yelling at me! I never see you yelling at Soda! But that's only because he dropped out! You just feel sorry for him! Why do you have to be on my ass? Im tired of you always yelling at me! " I yell. I looked at Darry. He was shocked, but at the same time even more furious. He looked like he was about to yell, but he stopped when someone interrupted our fight. It was Soda.

"God damn, you guys! Why can't you just stop? Was it really that hard to keep a simple promise?" Soda yelled angrily. I looked at Darry. He was staring at Soda.

"Soda-" "Just shut it. It was a simple promise. A SIMPLE PROMISE," he yelled, and looked like he was on the verge of tears. I tried to say something, but he just shook his head and ran out the door.

And that was the night hell broke loose for the gang.

XXXXXX

(Present, still Ponys POV)

"Darry, why?" I scream.

"I never cared about you. I can't believe I gave up my life for you. I never liked you. You just ruined me. I don't want you anymore," he hissed.

I was speechless. I can't believe it. I was right. Darry never cared about me. I can't believe I believed myself…after all those years…

Darry was putting me in a boys home. A fucking. Boys. Home. The second he was able to, he gave me right up. Not Soda. I can't believe it…

Suddenly, I was screaming, "I hate you,…you bastard! How could you do this?" at Darry. It didn't do anything. He just shook his head and left me.

I saw Soda. He was standing where Darry was.

"I never cared about you either. Im glad I don't have to see you anymore," he hissed, and walked off like Darry.

What? I mean, I can understand Darry...but Soda?

"Soda, don't leave me!" I screamed. Nothing. He didn't turn around.

I kept screaming.I can't believe him…how could he…

"Ponyboy, wake up!" A voice yelled at me.

I opened my eyes to a tired looking Soda.

"What," I said tiredly.

"You were screaming your head off," he said, standing up from the bed.

"Oh," I said, and stared at my hands. I looked up at Soda, and I swear I saw him. I saw the old him. Before he started the drugs and crap. Then, his face changed. Back to the grumpy Soda. Back to the druggy Soda. Back to the Soda that breaks my heart every time I look at him.

"Well, quit the yelling. I was trying to sleep," he snapped.

"whatever," I muttered.

He growled and stormed out of my room. So, it was just a dream..or so say a nightmare. But was so scary about it? Darry looked happy. Soda seemed happy too. Man, did they really want me gone? Maybe I should run away. If it meant making them happy…

I looked at my alarm clock. 6:30 am. I had to go to school at 8:00 am. I decided to take a shower.

I tiredly dragged my butt out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I passed Sodas room…the room we use to share…When he didn't hate me or Darry...

I sighed and walked into the bathroom and showered. It felt so good when the hot water hit my skin.

After my shower, I got out and wrapped a towel around my waist and ran to my room. I quickly dressed into jeans and a t-shirt, put on my old converse, and walked out and into the kitchen, hoping Darry wasn't awake yet. I hoped I could get a quick meal, and then leave before he wakes. Sadly, he was in the kitchen. I silently cursed to myself. But then again, I wondered why I was so scared of him. Then, I think of what he can do. He can put me in a boys home. But that wouldn't hurt me much. Its not like anyone would miss me.

"Ponyboy Curtis, get your ass over here!" Darry snapped when he saw me come in. Great. What an awesome way to start off my morning.

XXXXXX

**And I know  
>I may end up failing too.<br>But I know  
>You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.<strong>

**XXXXXX**

**Bad? Good? Please review! Please forgive me for the typos and such. Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for such a long wait. This chapter required much thinking. **  
><strong>Disclaimer: I don't own anything.<strong>

**XXXXX**  
><strong>I've become so numb I can't feel you there<strong>  
><strong>Become so tired so much more aware<strong>  
><strong>I'm becoming this all I want to do<strong>  
><strong>Is be more like me and be less like you<strong>

**XXXXX**

Ponys POV

What a great way to start off my morning. Darry yelled at me like there was no tomorrow. What for, you may ask? Well, my grades aren't real pretty, i didn't do the dishes, and the list goes on. I still wonder why i don't run away. Darry wouldn't have to worry about another mouth to feed. Soda might go back to his old self. I wouldn't have to encounter Darrys yelling. Its a win-win situation. But i don't know why i don't run away.

Maybe its because i still love my brothers. Crazy as it sounds, but they're still my brothers and i love them. I still feel like they might still care. I don't want to ruin them anymore. We promised mom and dad we would always stick together.

Mom and dad...i miss them like crazy. If they were still here none of this would be happening. We would be a family again...

I had school today. Yippee. I wasn't in the mood. I mean i do good, but school just bores you to death.

I started walking towards school, but i stopped. Im not going, i thought. I need to visit some people i haven't visited in a long time. I know Darrys going to flip. But what can he do that i haven't experienced yet?

I started walking away from the school, and headed towards the cemetery. Its on the other side of town, but i don't care. I have to waste the whole day. After an hour walk, i finally reached the cemetery. I walked around till i found my parents grave. I sat down in front of there graves and sighed.

I couldn't find the words. I don't know what to say...

"I miss you guys a lot," I said. Gonna be a long day...

Darrys POV

My God, can't Pony do ANYTHING right? I swear, he NEVER uses his head. Even if i remind him every single day, he just goes off and does something stupid. Man, one day he's gonna get himself into something he can't get out of.

Dammit, is it really that hard to do good in school? Right now he's failing every subject. Whats going on with him? He doesn't act sick, doesn't look sick...i don't know whats wrong with the kid, but he better get his act together now, or else he's in serious shit. Which, he's pretty close to being in.

After a long day at work, i drove home. I thought about Pony. Maybe im being too hard on him...maybe i should...i stopped thinking. Im not being hard on him. Im helping him. Im trying to get him to be a better person, which he clearly cannot do. He just wants to waste his life away. Why the hell does he do that?

When i got inside, the phone started ringing. I walked to it and picked up the phone.

"Hello? I asked tiredly. Man..im worn out...

"hello, this is principal Helena from Jay high school," Oh great, what did Pony do?

"Oh uhm, hello principal Helena...is something wrong?" I asked, furious and a little bit worried too.

"Well, yes. I was calling to confirm that Ponyboy was not in school today," She said.

Oh great. Fucking great...

"He never came to school?" I asked, not trying to let my voice raise.

"Yes. No one has reported seeing him." She said.

"Oh. Thank you," I said. I felt anger rising in me.

"You're welcome. Goodbye" She said, and hung up.

Ponyboy, where ever the hell you are, your in loads of trouble.

XXXXXX

Ponys POV

I looked up at the sky. It was getting dark. I looked straight ahead and saw a sunset. It was so beautiful...it was very gold...It reminded me of Johnny...

'_Stay Gold, Ponyboy...Stay gold'_ that line kept on repeating in my head. Then Johnny died. The horrible nightmare of his death was playing in my head.

I couldn't take it. I screamed and grabbed my head. I wanted this to end. I didn't want to fight no more with Darry or Soda, I wanted the old Soda, I want Johnny and Dally back, I want my mom and dad back, I wan't to wake up from this nightmare...i just want it to END.

After i pulled myself together, i hurried home. It was getting dark, and i knew Darry was at home ready to yell his head off at me. I reached the house and looked through window. I saw Darry sitting in his chair, looking furious-which is a normal look, and Soda sitting on the ground looking worried-which is a look i barely see on him anymore, and angry. Why was he even here? I thought he hated me and Darry? I sighed and stepped inside.

"Where the hell have you been!" Darry and Soda said furiously at the same time.

Great, Im in deep shit now.

XXXXXXX

**I'm becoming this all I want to do**  
><strong>Is be more like me and be less like you<strong>

XXXXXXX

**did this sound familiar? haha. Reviews would be real sweet. Thanks to everyone who likes this story. Much appreciated. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to all who reviewed and Favorited my story. Much appreciated. :D**

** ILovePepsi2: Darry does know, he tried to tell Soda to stop, but gave up. I'm going to add that into future chapters. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'nuffin. Sad, isn't it? Be ready for much drama.**

**CHAPTER FOUR! **

**XXXXXX**

**Can't you see that you're smothering me,  
>Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?<br>'Cause everything that you thought I would be  
>Has fallen apart right in front of you.<strong>

**XXXXXX**

Ponyboys POV

Shit, i thought, im in deep trouble. I never should have done that. I just...man, what did i get myself into...

"well, you going to tell us or are we going to have to sit here all night?" Darry said with anger in his voice.

What do i say...do i tell the truth? dammit what the hell was i thinking...

"I uhm...went to the other side of town-" "You WHAT? You skipped school and went across town? What the hell were you doing there?" Darry yelled furiously, interrupting me.

"I uhm...i was at the cemetery," I muttered loud enough for Darry and Soda to hear. I almost forgot Soda was here...he was just staring at me and Darry with hate and anger. He didn't say a word. By the way he looked, he has had beer. That probably made him even more angry...

Darry was quiet. I took a quick look at him. He looked even more furious.

Darry broke the long silence. "Why the hell were you at the cemetery and not at school?" Darry said, trying not to let his voice raise. He failed miserably. He should know why i was there. Did he completely forget about Mom and dad?

What do i tell him? 'Oh i didn't feel like going to school so i skipped and went to the cemetery and talked to mom and dad'. Sounds convincing enough not to ground me? Yeah, right.

"I wanted to visit mom and dad," I muttered.

Darry looked less furious, and more caring. Maybe he'll let me off the hook-

"Ponyboy Curtis, you do not skip school! I don't know why the hell you did that, but you are in shit loads of trouble," Darry yelled.

Nope. Im defiantly not off the hook.

"Darry i just wanted-" "I don't want to hear your lame excuses! You need to grow up and use your head! If you skip school, your going to loose your dream! You say you want to get out of here, well kiddo, you gotta try harder! I do everything for you and all you do is do stupid things and goofing off! I swear, you're going to do something you can't get out of! You need to use your fucking head!" Darry yelled even louder than before. Great, i pissed him off.

Im going to break...Im going to break...Im going to break...

"I wish you would do something right, Ponyboy Curtis. Im so pissed at you. Next time you EVER get into trouble, im not going to help you. You're on your own. If you don't want to follow my rules, i ain't gonna help you no more," Darry hissed.

Im going to break-

"Ponyboy, why the hell can't you use your fucking head? I tell you almost every second but you go off and do something so fucking stupid," Darry yelled.

I broke.

"Darry, just shut the fuck up. Im tired of you yelling at me! Why can't you see that i don't want to be like you or be fucking perfect! I don't want to follow your fucking rules! Im tired of you! Can't you see that i hate this? All you do is yell yell yell! Im fucking tired of it! I don't use my head, so what! Can't you stop being a fucking pain in the ass and stop yelling at me for once?" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I didn't give Darry time to talk. Soda stood up and got ready to yell, but i didn't let him.

"And you, i hate what you did to yourself! You go off and do fucking drugs and waist your life away just because we broke a promise! I know you probably hate us, but that doesn't mean you have to waste your life! I hate you for that! I want my old brother i loved! I want us to be a family again! Why can't you guys see that?" I yelled.

Silence. I looked at Soda. His eyes wide. His face was blank. I looked at Darry. He looked the same, but he had anger written all over his face. Darry looked like he was about to kill me. He was going to yell.

I wasn't going to hear this. Im through with him. Im through with both of them.

"I hate you. I hate you both. Can't you see that we are falling apart? Or are you to drunk or to furious to see that? You want me gone. You want me away," I hissed, while backing towards the door. They said nothing. They just stared at me with wide eyes. I was about to run out the door, but i turned around.

"I HATE YOU!" i screamed, and ran out the door. Im running away, but im going alone. No one will know where i am. Im tired of this shit and im not going through it anymore. I hope what i said hit them. And maybe changed them. Probably not. They're going to say the same. Well, i don't care anymore. I don't want to go through with them anymore. I just ran. I don't know where im going. They wouldn't come after me. They hate me! They don't give shit about me anymore. I just hope that there happy that im gone. Thats all i want. I don't mean to say i hate them. Or maybe i did...I just want my old brothers back...I suddenly felt something hit my head hard and i fell to the ground, and hit my head again, and went unconscious.

Darrys POV

Did he just run...again? Did he just say...all of that? Does he actually...hate us? Oh god, this can't be happening again. Fuck. Did he really mean all that? 'I hate you!' kept on repeating in my head...god he meant that...i screwed up big time...

I forgot about Soda. I looked at him and saw him staring at the door wide-eyed. Slowly he looked at me.

"D-did he mean all that?" Soda stuttered.

I shrugged, not knowing. He probably did.

I sat in my chair and buried my face in my hands. God i screwed up, i lost Pony, he hates me, shit shit shit.

"What do we do?" Soda said, interrupting my thoughts. Wait, is he caring? Since when did he start caring?

"Now why the hell do you care? I thought you hated him?" I said bitterly.

Soda looked shocked.

" I just...God damnit, i want you guys to stop arguing! It tore us apart! Now we aren't a family anymore and we lost Pony! I don't hate him or you, im just sick and tired of all the fucking yelling!" He yelled, and looked like on the verge of tears. I wasn't convinced he cared.

"Then explain the drugs and drinking," I hissed.

" I just lost it, okay? I didn't care about myself or anyone anymore. When Pony said that...I...I just..." Soda stopped and started sobbing.

I didn't know what to do. What do i say to him? He hates us, now he cares?

God, i just want our life to go back to normal...but i know we're far from normal.

Ponys gone, and i don't know where he is. I screwed up. I went to far. I pushed him over the limit. He broke, and its all my fault.

**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,**  
><strong>Become so tired, so much more aware<strong>  
><strong>I'm becoming this, all I want to do<strong>  
><strong>Is be more like me and be less like you.<strong>  
>XXXXXX<p>

**I need some answers on the next chapter:**

**1) Where should Ponyboy run away to?**

**2) What should happen to Pony? (I have some ideas, but other ideas are good too. ^^)  
><strong>

**hope you enjoyed this chapter! Reviews would be real sweet. :) Tell me if im doing bad or good. :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for all the reviews! They all made my day. **

**Disclaimer: I own 'nuffin.**

**Onward with the story! **

* * *

><p><strong>XXXXXX<strong>

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
>Is be more like me and be less like you.<em>

**XXXXXX**

I opened my eyes and sat up, instantly regretting it. My head started to throb and the world started spinning. I closed my eyes and just sat there, waiting for the pain to go away. After five minutes, I opened my eyes again. My head still hurt somethin' awful, but I tried to ignore it. I would probably regret that later.

I stood up and looked around. It was still dark, but I could tell it was close to sunrise. I looked around and noticed I'm near Buck's parking lot. Why the hell am I all the way out here? I thought. Then, it hit me.

I broke. I couldn't take it anymore. Darry pushed me past my limit. I blew up on them.

I wonder if they're out looking for me. Yeah, right, I scoffed. They don't give a shit about me anymore. I just hope they're happy I'm gone.

I looked over at Buck's. It looked lit up and I could hear the loud music. There must still be a party. Man its cold. Almost as if to prove my point, I started shivering. How did I not notice that earlier?

Maybe I could get into Buck's and warm up. I really didn't feel like staying out here much longer. Standing out in the cold, unsure where to go, reminded me of times when Johnny- No. I pushed those thoughts away. I can't think of them…not now.

I sighed. I kneow I'm not allowed to go even near Buck's, but I don't care anymore. Did it really matter anyways? I'm on my own now.

I stood up and walked over to the building. I walked inside, not bothering to knock. I looked around and saw the place packed. People were drinking, laughing, dancing, kissing, yelling…..

I started walking around when suddenly I was smacked on the shoulder.

"Well, if it ain't Ponyboy Curtis! What the hell you doin' here this early?" Curly Shepard slurred at me. My nose instinctively scrunched up as I could smell the beer on his breath.

I ignored the stench and smiled at him. Me and Curly are pretty good friends. We've got each other's backs, but we do get angry at each other occasionally.

"Hey, Curly. Just cooling off," I said composedly. I wasn't going to tell him what happened. I mean, I am cooling off. It's not a total lie.

"Well! I never knew I would see you here," Curly laughed.

"Well, I was walking, and I just…ended up here. What about you? Why are you here so early? Shouldn't you be breaking windows or somethin'?" I yelled over the loud music.

"Man, its loud. Come on, let's go outside where we can hear," Curly yelled, and we both walked outside.

I sat down on the ground and so did Curly.

"So, you gonna tell me why you're here?" I said.

"Man, why do you care so much?" Curly laughed, but I didn't return it.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell ya. Earlier me and Tim were hangin' around and I got bored so I started messin' around. Somehow I managed to break one of Tim's car windows and piss him off. He kicked me out, and kicked the living shit out of me. That's how I got this black eye," Curly said, and pointed to his eye.

I just now noticed it. I took in just how bad he looked and felt a pang of sympathy. I guess things really were rough all over.

"Sorry to hear man," I said.

"Eh, whatever," Curly said. Then there was a silence. Finally, Curly spoke again.

"What's your real reason you're here?" Curly said.

I looked at him and saw he was serious. I guess it's my turn to tell him why I'm here. I told him the full story. I told him about Darry's yelling and hurting me, Soda's drug and drinking problem, and so on.

"Man Curtis, that's tough," Curly said.

"Yeah," I said.

Another silence.

"Hey listen; I'm going to New York. I'm tired of being here. I don't want to be near Tim anymore and I gotta start over somewhere. You wanna join in?" Curly asked.

New York. Do I wanna go? I considered my options for a minute. I mean, I need to get away, but do I want to go that far? I know I'm not ever going back home, but do I really want to go to New York?

The answer hit me fast and hard; hell yeah I do.

"Sure, man, I'll go," I said. I was excited, but nervous. I can't believe I'm really going.

"Alright. It's just you and me. We can leave right after I get some things and a car, which won't be too hard," Curly said.

"Okay. Need some help?" I asked. Might as well help my travelling buddy out, I reasoned. The sooner we get the stuff, the sooner we can leave this place.

"Sure," Curly said.

I'm going to New York. Am I going to regret this?

**XXXXXX**

Why won't Darry believe me? Damn it, I do care! I just gave up after they broke the promise! What was I supposed to do? Let it slide and act like I don't care about them arguing?

When Pony yelled at me, the truth sure hit me hard. I was wasting my life away. His raging words made me really regret doing drugs and drinking.

Man, I feel like this is my entire fault. If I didn't do the drugs, we would still be a family. It's my fault we fell apart. It's my fault we aren't a family. It's my fault we ain't a gang no more…

Steve. I pushed him out of my life. I didn't care about him or anyone else anymore. How could I do that? He was my best friend!

I screwed up big time.

Now my little brother is gone.

I hate my life.

I need to find Pony and apologize. But where the hell would he be?

Darry won't go. He said Pony needs to 'cool' off. What the hell? Did he not hear what Pony said? He hates us! Damn it, he is not coming back!

Darry told me not to go. Pony wouldn't listen to me. I wouldn't blame him. He hates me. I hate myself.

God damn it. I screwed up big time.

**XXXXXXX**

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
>Become so tired so much more aware<em>

* * *

><p><strong>And there you have it! Chapter five! Thanks to all who review. It makes my day.<strong>

**I have a question! Which story would you like me to start on? (all stories will be put up and are all Outsiders):**

**1.Train Crash: Darry, Pony, and Soda are in a train crash.**

**2.Wishes sometimes don't come true: Pony and Koda (steves little sister, older than Pony) are out walking when something tragic happens that may cause these two to lose there life.**

**3.Dark days, tragic car wreck: Steve, Two-bit, and Pony are driving home when a drunk driver hits them head on.**

**Stay Gold! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Holy crap. 43 reviews and I only have 5 chapters. DAMN! :) Sorry for such a long wait! I was going to update yesterday but this happened:**

**Me: Oh Im going to go update! *goes to computer and logs on*  
>Father: Hey Ab's! Go get ready for softball!<br>****Me: -_-...**

**So, I'm sorry for such a long wait. :( Thanks to all who reviewed, Favorited my story, and what-not! It was greatly appreciated. (: **

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders or the song numb. **

**XXXXXX**

**Can't you see that you're smothering me,  
>Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?<br>'Cause everything that you thought I would be  
>Has fallen apart right in front of you.<strong>

**XXXXXX**

Two-Bit's POV

Another night getting of drunk at Buck's! I've been at Buck's every night, so far. I've been getting drunk more often than usual. Ever since the Curtis' brothers huge fight, all I've been doing is hunting action, finding blondes, and getting drunk.

I never go to the Curtis house anymore. They all hate each other and only ever yell or fight. I can't stand it. I mean, they used to love each other. I don't know really what went wrong. They were the only true family in Tulsa and now…I dunno.

I occasionally see Sodapop here at Buck's, but he's too drunk to remember seeing me. I didn't bother asking him how his brothers were. If he's here getting drunk, something went wrong with them.

I walked into the building and was greeted with the sweet smell of beer and the loud laughter from people. I went to the bar and got a beer, and chugged it down. I looked around and saw that this place was packed more than usual. I turned back to the bar tender and got a refill, and chugged that down too. I'm going to have a horrible hangover tomorrow, I thought vaguely.

Suddenly I heard people yelling and a couple of glass breaking. Great, I thought. Another fight. I grabbed a couple of drinks and went outside. I was not in the mood to get into a fight. I stumbled outside and sat on the ground and continued drinking beer.

This is the life, I thought happily. I looked around and saw two people talking. Great, drug dealers, I thought unhappily. I scooted closer to them, but kept my distance so they don't see me. I felt buzzed, but I tried to concentrate on their conversation.

"So, you want to go to New York with me?" one kid asked the other one. Oh, so they aren't selling drugs. Smart kids.

The other person hesitated, then gave his answer.

"Yeah, I'll go," they said. That voice sounds familiar, I thought, my eyes narrowing. Too familiar.

They said some things in a whisper so I couldn't hear them. They both shook hands and split up. One of the boys turned to where I could nearly see their face. I went wide eyed. It was Ponyboy! Or, it was a boy who looked just like him, which I highly doubt.

I kept low so he didn't see me. He walked off and soon I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. Why the hell was that kid going to New York? And who is he going with? I thought about running after him and asking him what the hell he's doing, but I decided against it.

Where the hell were his brothers? I guess they got into a fight and Pony's running away. This is just like when Darry hit Pony and he ran away with Johnny.

I sighed and went back inside. It's not my business, and I don't want to get mixed in with this. I better go finish getting drunk. Maybe I can forget about what just happened.

Pony's POV

After finally getting everything we needed, we were off. We decided we would take turns driving. I would drive first, then stop at a gas station and switch. We got money, but it won't last us long. Curly said once we get to New York he has ways we can get money. Hopefully a good way. Probably not, though.

Good thing I know how to drive, I thought. I don't know if I can trust Curly to drive and get us to the next stop, so I'm going to drive till I have to be forced to stop. I sighed and started up the truck, which I'm afraid to know how he got it, and we were off to start a new adventure.

I still feel like I'm going to regret this.

Darry's POV

I sighed and leaned back in my chair, exhausted. Pony's gone, and it's my fault. I regret everything I did. I hate myself for yelling constantly at Pony. Now, he's gone, and I can't do anything.

I want to look for him, but then I have this feeling I should wait and see if he comes back. He wouldn't want to replay the Windrixville incident, would he? Knowing him, he probably would.

Soda keeps pacing the room, then occasionally would look at me and give me the look 'We need to find him!' but I just shake my head. If Pony needs time to think, I'll give it to him. But I decided if he doesn't come back by morning, I'm going to find him. No matter how much a screams and begs, he's coming back.

I don't know where he could be. I hope he didn't go out of town. That would just put even more for me to worry about.

"Darry, come on! We gotta look for him," Soda yelled, sounding stressed out.

"Look Soda, I'm going to let him cool off. If he doesn't come back in the morning, we're going to find him. Got it?" I said strictly, trying to not raise my voice.

Soda just nodded.

"Now go get some sleep," I sighed.

He looked like he was going to protest, but I gave him the look. He sighed and stormed off to bed. I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes, trying to sleep. But I know I wouldn't sleep at all.

If I could do one thing right now, I would take back yelling and hitting Ponyboy.

**XXXXXX**

**Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes**  
><strong>(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)<strong>  
><strong>Every step that I take is another mistake to you<strong>  
><strong>(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)<strong>

**XXXXXX**

**Well, I updated! Yipee! Now I have a question. My cousin is on here and she wants to start a story, which is for The Outsiders. Its:**

**Waking the Demon.**

**Summary: Ponyboy was tired of his life; always being the good kid, the smart kid. He wanted a different reputation. He wanted to be known as the 'cool' kid' or the 'bad boy'. One night with Curlys Shepards gang changes his life, and now the bad side of him has awaken and taken over him.**

**Anyone interested in beta it? Message Forever Greaser Forever Golden. Thanks! Also tell me if its a good idea. She wants to write a story everyone will love. (:**

**Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**I don't own The Outsiders or the song Numb**

**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there**  
><strong>Become so tired, so much more aware<strong>  
><strong>I'm becoming this, all I want to do<strong>  
><strong>Is be more like me and be less like you<strong>

Stay awake. Don't fall asleep. Focus on driving. Those were the only three things I thought about and tried to accomplish. So far, I've forced myself to stay awake for the most part and I managed to focus on the road. Most of the time.

Curly has been passed out for the whole ride. I tried waking him up, but he was dead asleep. I've been driving for God knows how long. I lost track after five or six hours.

I yawned for the thousandth time and decided it was time to stop. I pulled into a gas station and got out. I heard Curly stirring in the passenger seat.

"Curtis, where are we," he mumbled.

"I don't know, but I'm going to go find out. Make yourself useful and fill up the car," I said, and walked inside. I walked up to the gas station and handed the cashier the money for gas.

"Excuse me sir, but can you tell me where I am," I asked politely.

"You're in Flexerville, Illinois," he replied, and went back to whatever he was doing.

"Thanks," I muttered, and walked out of the station.

My eye caught a payphone. I immediately thought about calling home. I just want to hear their voices, to know that they were okay. Sighing, I decided against that and walked back to the car.

"Curtis, you look dead tired! Why didn't you wake me up? I would've drove," Curly said.

"I did try to wake you up. You didn't even twitch," I grumbled.

"Oh. Sorry," he apologized, but I knew he didn't even mean it.

"Whatever," I muttered, and gave him the keys. I got into the passenger side and Curly got behind the wheel. He started the car and I let sleep overcome me.

XxX

(Darrys POV)

I stayed up the whole night, hoping Pony would come, but sadly he didn't. I got no sleep, even when I felt like I was about to pass out. I hoped Soda got some sleep. When he finds out that Pony didn't come home, he's going to search day and night for him. Even if I force him to stop, he'll find some way to go out and search.

I wonder if he's still like that. Ever since he changed himself, he didn't give a hell about Pony or me. He didn't even care if we were missing. He only cared about getting drunk and doing drugs. Now he suddenly changed and is almost acting like his old self.

I wonder if he will still go searching nonstop for him. Or maybe last night was just a onetime thing and now he's back to his drinking and doing drugs self. I pray to God he didn't go back to that. I miss my old brother. I feel like this is my fault that he did all that. I feel like it's my fault that our family is falling apart.

I was yanked from my thoughts when a door slammed.

"Dar, did he come home," Soda asked anxiously.

With the look on his face I didn't want to break the news to him. It would hurt him.

I sighed, not wanting to lie to him. "No, Soda. He didn't."

Soda just stood there, staring at the ground. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find the words. There was as long, awkward silence. Finally Sodapop looked up and stared at me with a sad, pained look.

"Dar, we gotta find him," he muttered.

"We will," I stated firmly.

Now I had to think. Where would Pony run off to? Would he go back to Windrexville? He could be anywhere right now. I hope Pony didn't run far. I just want to bring him back.

I got up off the couch and got my keys. "Come on," I said, and walked out the door.

Soda was right on my tail, following me to the truck. We both got in and sat there.

"Okay, where are we going to look first," Soda asked anxiously.

I thought for a moment. Two people searching for a boy who could be anywhere would not cut it. We need more people.

"We'll start in town," I said, and started driving.

(Five hours later)

I'm dead tired. We searched all over, but got no luck. Where are you Pony? I hope he didn't go far. Knowing him, he has gotten into trouble or did something that he would regret.

"Dar, where could he be," Soda complained

"I honestly don't know," I sighed and got back into the truck.

This search is going to be hard with just two people.

"We need more help," I sighed.

"But who would we ask to help," he asked.

Who would help us? The only people we know who would want to help would be Two-Bit and Steve. But would they even care? They hate us. I never see Two-Bit anymore. I don't know if Soda hangs with Steve. I doubt it.

"Two-Bit and Steve," I said.

XxX

I hear screaming and crying, pleading and begging. I'm running in darkness, unable to escape this place. I don't know where I'm going. Soon I see two people ahead. I see their faces. It's Darry and Soda.

I screamed for them, but they just stood there. I tried to run to them, but something is holding me back. I screamed for them again, but soon they faded away.

I woke up and started breathing hard. I looked around and saw that I'm in a car. Just a nightmare, I thought and sighed with relief. I looked at the driver's side and saw it empty. Where's Curly? I got out of the car and saw that we were at a gas station. I wonder where we are. It was night time. I wonder how long we've been driving.

I walked out into the open and stared up at the sky. I saw stars starting to appear in the sky. I sighed. I hope Soda and Darry are doing okay. I miss them a lot. I hope they're happy I'm gone.

**Can't you see that you're smothering me,**  
><strong>Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?<strong>  
><strong>'Cause everything that you thought I would be<strong>  
><strong>Has fallen apart right in front of you.<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own The Outsiders or the song Numb**

**The beginning of this chapter is a flash back, FYI.**

**So sorry for the long wait.  
><strong>

XxX

_**And I know**_

_** I may end up failing too.**_

_** But I know**_

_** You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.**_

XxX

"Sodapop Curtis! Where the hell have you been!" Darry yelled at Soda right as he entered the house. It was 3 in the morning and Soda just came back without telling Darry where he had run off to. Darry and I stayed up all night waiting for him. Even though I had no reason to, I stayed out here anyway.

"Out," he grumbled, and stormed past Darry. I could instantly smell the stench of beer on Soda. I sighed and stood up, not wanting to get brought into the fight. I went into my room and closed the door, sat on the floor and leaned against it. Recently, Soda has been coming home really late a lot now and Darry always yells at him. It breaks my heart. Darry never yells at Soda, but it's like neither one cares anymore.

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis! You need to call when your gonna be out! I don't want to be worrying all night wondering where the hell you are!" Darry yelled.

I heard a loud crash. "Then don't worry! It's not like you care!" Soda yelled bitterly at Darry. I winced at his voice. He never yelled like that.

"I have to worry, damn it! I'm supposed to! I'm your older brother!" Darry hollered back.

There was a pause after Darry said that. "Well, you didn't care enough to keep a promise. Now that's not very brotherly, is it?" Soda spat.

I heard a few noises. "Don't go," Darry ordered. I heard nothing after that but a door slam and Darry push a chair to a ground.

XxX

I stopped looking up at the sky when I heard people yelling. I let my curiosity take over me and followed the noise. When I reached the back of the building I saw Curly surrounded by four guys who looked pissed. Great, what did he do?

"Think it's funny now, kid?" One guy growled. He looked like Darry, only this guy had brown hair and brown eyes, I think.

"Come on, I just took a few things!" Curly whined.

The tough looking guy stepped up and grabbed Curly by the neck of his shirt and lifted him off the ground. "By things you mean money that ain't yours. Now we gotta teach you a lesson!"

Curly's eyes went wide and his face paled. He looked terrified of this guy. "Look man, I-I'm sorry! You can have the money back!" Wow, that's something you rarely ever hear Curly say.

"Sorry ain't gonna cut it," the man hissed. I had to help him. I can't just let him get beaten to a pulp. But I didn't want to either. I groaned and ran into the fight. "Leave him alone!"

The man dropped Curly and stepped towards over me into my view and glared at me. "Oh yeah? And who are you?"

I instantly started panicking. "His buddy," I muttered. "Now let him go." I felt my back pocket, praying to God I remembered my blade. Thank the Lord I remembered it. I looked at Curly and saw him mouth 'don't'. I just shook my head and focused on this guy.

"You tellin' me what to do?" He spat and pushed me to the ground.

"Back off!" I growled, and pulled out my switchblade. The guy laughed bitterly and kicked my blade away from me.

"You just got yourself into some shit!" He yelled, and kicked me in the head. I started seeing stars and everything was spinning. After that, everything seemed to be in a blur. I felt people punching me and kicking me all over. I hear people yelling and screaming, but I couldn't figure out if Curly was any of those voices. I tried defending myself, but it was useless. I was to slow and this guy was too fast. I tried throwing punches but they did nothing to stop this guy. Even if my punches hit them, they were weak and didn't slow him down at all.

Suddenly, the guy on top of me was pulled off of me. I just laid there, thanking whoever did that. I felt pain all over. I then remembered Curly and the four guys. He needed my help. I shook off the blurriness and stood up. I had a throbbing pain in my head, but I ignored it and went to help Curly, who was trying to hold up a fight with four guys and failing miserably. I tackled one guy and started throwing punches at him. They didn't do much, considering the fact that my arm hurt like hell, but I kept on going. The guy I tackled was fighting back, getting in punches more than I was. I got in a few good punches to his face. I heard him yelp when I punched him in the nose, so I think I broke it. Serves him right.

The guy threw me off of him and kicked me in the side one more time before I heard people starting to run. Soon the footsteps were gone and I was just laying on the ground, staring at the sky.

I want to cry right now. I'm in pain and I feel horrible. Not just because I just got beat up, it's because I didn't use my head. Darry was right. I never use my head. I could have gotten myself killed. I did another stupid thing.

Right now, I just want to hear Darry yell at me. I just want to hear his voice. Tell me I never use my head. i want Soda to hold me and comfort me. I just want my old brothers back. I want them to hold me and tell me that everything's going to be okay. Even though I know things aren't okay. Things are far from okay. I felt tears in my eyes, but I held them back. I need to toughen up and move on. I'm not going back. I know Darry and Soda are happy right now. I'm not going to ruin that for them. I only want my brothers happy.

xXx

_**(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)**_

_** Every step that I take is another mistake to you.**_

_** (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)**_

_** And every second I waste is more than I can take.**_

_**xXx**_

_**Review.  
><strong>_


	9. Chapter 9

**Please forgive me for such a long wait. I was on vacation and I meant to update but I didn't. Also a heads up: I won't update for quite a while in August. I'm moving. :/**

**I hope you accept my apology with this chapter. :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**XxX**

**I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
>Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface<br>Don't know what you're expecting of me  
>Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes<br>(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
>Every step that I take is another mistake to you<br>(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)**

**XxX**

_"Hey, Pony, what'cha reading?" Soda asked as he entered the house._

_"Gone With the Wind," I muttered, not looking up._

_When Soda didn't respond, I quickly looked up at him. He was looking at the ground, but he was smiling. I wonder if he remembered the night we talked about this book and the note Johnny gave me._

_Soda walked in on me while I was reading the note Johnny gave to me again. He asked why I was crying. I didn't know I was crying till he mentioned it. He asked what was wrong, and I told him. I told him about the note, and how Johnny told me to stay gold, and everything else. _

XxX

I smiled at that memory. I could tell Soda anything, and he wouldn't judge me; no matter what I said. He would stay there and listen. He knew how to make me smile and feel better. He knew the right words to say at the right times.

I sighed and looked out the window. The sun was just about to rise and I didn't sleep at all. Curly stayed awake the whole night, blabbering about things I didn't care for while driving. I tried to tune him out, but it's hard to when he talks non-stop.

Today's my birthday. I'm finally eighteen. I wonder if Darry or Soda remember it's my birthday. Probably not, but I can still imagine. I don't think Curly knows or cares that it's my birthday and I don't plan on telling him at all.

Curly's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Hey Curtis, wanna stop for some grub?"

"Sure man," I replied.

With that, Curly pulled into a road that led us to a little diner. We both climbed out and headed inside. I looked around and noticed it wasn't crowded at all. There were only a few people here, mostly old couples.

Something immediately caught my eye. A payphone. I looked at Curly and saw him looking at one of the waitresses.

"Curly, I'll be right back," I muttered to him.

He nodded and went walking in the direction of the waitress. I sighed and walked over to the payphone slowly. I pulled some change out of my pocket and slowly put it in. My hands started to shake.

Calm down, I told myself. I slowly picked up the phone and dialed the number. I prayed to God someone answered. I just need to hear their voices.

Ring.

I took a deep breath. I was shaking even more.

Ring.

Still no answer.

"Hello?" A voice asked.

I immediately dropped the phone.

XxX

"Hello?" I asked again, annoyed. Was this a prank call? No one was answering on the other line. It's starting to piss me off.

Still no answer, I hung up the phone. I sighed and sat back in my chair. Soda and I have searched all over town, but still no Pony.

Soda interrupted my thoughts when he ran into the living room.

"Who called? Was it Pony?" He asked, anxiously.

"No, Soda, it wasn't Pony," I muttered, hating to tell him we still can't find Pony.

He sighed and plopped on the couch and closed his eyes. He hasn't gotten any sleep whatsoever, and it's killing him. I haven't got any sleep either.

I have no idea where Pony is, and I hate it. I just want him home. I can't think of what else to do. We searched high and low all over Tulsa, but there is no sign of Pony anywhere. But I'm not giving up. We're going to find him, and life will get better for us, I hope.

"Darry?" Soda asked.

"Hm?"

"The two of us ain't gonna do much for finding Pony. We need more help,"

He was right. But who would we ask?

"I agree, but who could we ask?" I questioned.

He hesitated.

"Two-Bit and Steve."

XxX (Steves POV)

"I win!" I yelled, and pulled all my winnings towards me.

Poker is my game, and always will be. I put all the money I won into my pockets and left Buck's. I remember when I used to play poker at the Curtis's house. But that seemed like a lifetime ago.

I wonder how they're doing. When I was still hanging around there, they were goin' through family troubles, or something. I thought it would pass, like it usually does. But it didn't.

It tore them apart. It tore the gang apart.

I tried to help Soda, but he pushed me away from him. I got the sign that he doesn't want to be friends, so I completely stayed away from them. I didn't want to get into shit with them.

I saw the kid, Pony, at Buck's a few days ago. I meant to go ask him why the hell he was there, but I kept my distance from him. He was hanging with Curly. I wonder why he would do that.

I wonder what Two-Bit's up to. I see him occasionally. We talked a few times, but he was too drunk to remember. Nothing changed him. He's still the same old beer lovin' Two-Bit.

I hate to admit this, but I miss the Curtis's and Two-Bit. Yeah, I actually miss the kid. He may be a smartass, but he ain't that bad to me.

I lit a cigarette and looked up at the sky. I wish things could go back to normal, before all this hell broke out.

XxX

**And I know**  
><strong>I may end up failing too.<strong>  
><strong>But I know<strong>  
><strong>You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.<strong>

**XxX**

**And there you have it! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and leave a review. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Forgive me for not updating. I have suddenly come down with a case of writers block. But I just ate subway, and now I'm going to write; hopefully well.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders or the song Numb Warning: Curly/ Pony moment. NO SLASH. Possibly a cliff hanger, beware.  
><strong>

XxX

**I'm tired of being what you want me to be**  
><strong> Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface<strong>  
><strong> Don't know what you're expecting of me<strong>  
><strong> Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes<strong>  
><strong> (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)<strong>  
><strong> Every step that I take is another mistake to you<strong>  
><strong> (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)<strong>

XxX

I was stupid for calling home. I knew that would happen no matter what. I just wanted to hear a voice, know there okay. I'm pretty sure the person who picked up was Darry; his voice still the same. But it was emotionless, which confuses me. He should be happy; I'm not there to be in his way.

"Ponyboy, come on!" Curly yelled from the other side of the diner. I picked up the phone and put it back up, and walked over to Curly. who was messing around, causing people to give him evil stares. I rolled my eyes; typical Curly.

When I sat down, he looked up at me, and his face expression changed and he stopped what he was doing. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah," I sighed, knowing I wasn't.

"Bull. You look like your about to bawl. What's up, man?" I have no idea why he cares. It almost creeps me out, knowing that he isn't the type.

"It's nothing," I muttered, hoping he would just drop it. I really don't want to talk about this.

"Curtis, you know you suck at lying," he said. "Now, what's up? and no more lying. Truth only."

Now I'm officially creeped out. "Man, its," I could already feel the tears. "I just miss my brothers."

He didn't answer, but instead looked down at the table. "I wish Tim cared about me like your brothers cared-or used to-care about you."

Tim and Curly are two opposites. They don't get along most of the time. I then noticed the bruise again on his eye. "Tim does care. He just doesn't show it like my brothers..did."

"Yeah right," He looked up and smiled bitterly. "He only cares about Angela."

"I'm serious," I know this would be hard to make him believe me. "Your brother does care about you, not just Angela. Like I said, he shows it in a different way. He does things differently, but he does care about you."

He bit his lip and looked me in the eye. "You sure, man?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "You better be."

We were interrupted when the waitress came over. She was an old lady. "Hello boys! What can I get ya?" She pulled out a note pad and looked at me first.

"Water, please," I replied. She nodded and looked at Curly. "Same."

She smiled. "Be right back with waters." Then walked away, leaving us alone again.

I picked up the menu and started scanning the pages. Nothing was popping out at me, so I decided to get eggs. I set down the menu and saw Curly looking up at the ceiling. I wanted to ask him something. I wanted to know if he was still sure about going to New York. I know it was his idea, but now I really was hoping to turn around and go back to Tulsa. I honestly don't know why I did this. It seemed like a good idea at first, but I was still getting over my fight with Soda and Darry. I was angry, ready to escape. I didn't want to be there right then; I wanted to be far away.

"Curly," I sighed. I hope he wouldn't get angry. "Can I ask you something?"

He stopped looking at the ceiling then at me. "Shoot."

"Are you sure about going to New York?" I asked slowly.

He gave me a stupid look. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"Never mind," I gave up on that. The waitress came back with two glasses of waters and set them on the table. She took our orders, then was gone again.

xXXx

"Soda, come on. You have to," I sighed. We need more help, and decided on asking Two-Bit and Steve. Soda told me that him and Steve haven't been in contact for a long time, so he doesn't even know if Steve will even give him the time of day. I was going to ask Two-Bit, but I was still figuring out where I would find him.

"Dar, he ain't gonna listen to me!" Soda complained.

"Just try, okay?"

He groaned. "Fine."

I pulled into the DX station, knowing Steve still worked here. I remember Pony told me he came here and saw Steve. Soda lost his job here, due to drugs and alcohol. I pulled into a spot, then turned of the car. "Go."

He gave me a 'don't make me go' look. "No."

I wasn't going to let him do this. "Sodapop, go. Don't make me drag you out." He knew if he argued anymore, that would happen. He slowly got out and gave me a death glare, then walked inside the DX station.

XxX

I wish Darry wouldn't make me do this. Steve hates me, and won't give me the time of day. I looked back at Darry and saw him pulling out. I groaned, knowing I have to do this, if I want my brother back. My hands started to shake, and I suddenly started craving drugs. I know I said I would stop, but I need them now. I walked inside, causing the bell to ring. Steve came out, but at first didn't see me.

"What do you want?" he asked. He then looked up at me, and his eyes went wide. He then gave me a scowl. "Well if it ain't Sodapop Curtis."

"Steve-" he didn't let me finish.

"I don't know why the hell you're here, but you better get the hell out," he growled.

"Steve-"

"Get the hell-" I needed to tell him this now.

"I'm sorry."

He went silent.

XxX

**And I know**  
><strong> I may end up failing too.<strong>  
><strong> But I know<strong>  
><strong> You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.<strong>

**Review, please.  
><strong>


	11. Chapter 11 Make up, and arriving

**New house, new ideas. THATS RIGHT, I'M BACK. YEEEAHHHH BUDDDY. ;]**

**I dont own The Outsiders. Im getting tired of the same lyrics...so I'm getting new ones. :D  
><strong>

**XxX**

**Show me what it's like  
>To be the last one standing<br>And teach me wrong from right  
>And I'll show you what I can be<br>Say it for me  
>Say it to me<br>And I'll leave this life behind me  
>Say it if it's worth saving me<strong>

**-Nickleback- Savin' me**

**XxX**

"Look, I don't-"

"Just listen!" I said, and walked closer to him, "I know I messed up! I know I screwed up everything! But, just hear me out."

He didn't answer, and I continued on. " I'm sorry, okay? I hate what I did...I regret everything! I messed up big time..I lost you...I lost Two-Bit..I lost everyone's trust..." I could already feel tears forming in my eyes. Steve was standing there, but he was emotionless. in fru

"I lost everything..." I could now feel tears streaming down my face, "and now I lost Pony because of my stupid ways!" I turned around and slammed my hands down on the counter in frustration, causing Steve to jump. I then let the tears flow. I couldn't hold them back, no matter what.

Steve then said something. "You lost the kid?"

"W-we had a fight a few nights ago, when Pony came home l-late...and he just..broke."

He had a bitter smile on his face. "I knew it!" he said, louder than he meant to be, "I knew the kid would break! It would take only a matter of time, but the way you guys were headed, it was fuckin' obvious! You had to be a complete idiot not to see it! Darry yellin' at him constantly, you wasting your fuckin' life away...It was just a matter of time!"

I was taken aback by his words. He was right. "I k-know that! I just...I just was too blind to see it, alright? I was wasting my life away, like you just said! I didn't give a fuck about anything..I just..." I couldn't finish. I started full out crying.

" I know you couldn't," he said, his voice lowering, "you turned to drugs and crap and threw away the life you had."

"I know what I fucking did!" I yelled at him, "I know what I did wrong! I wish I could take it back, but you and me both know I can't! I just...I just want my life back! Before this...shit started..." It felt weird cursing at a friend, but I couldn't control what was coming out of my mouth. It sort of just had a mind of it's own.

I looked up at Steve, and saw his again emotionless face. I knew he wouldn't forgive me, and I wouldn't blame him.

"Look man, I just want to tell you..I'm sorry. I'm sorry for screwing up, I'm sorry for pushing you away...and I'm really sorry for what I did to myself."

"So am I," he muttered, and looked at me with a cold look, " I don't think I can forgive you. It doesn't work like that. Man...you just pushed me away, even when I tried to help you! Do you really think I would forgive you after that?"

"No, I don't.." I still felt warm tears running down my cheek.

"But," he said, and his face changed, "You were my friend. We've been best buddies for God knows how long. Sure we've had bad moments, but we always forgave each other."

"Does that mean-" he cut me off. "No, that don't mean we're okay again! You screwed up, and this situation is different. But, I miss you. Yeah I know, Steve Randle is actually saying he misses somebody! Well, yes I do. I miss my buddy. It was hard going on without ya."

I smiled. "So, you forgive me?"

"No," he said, and my smile disappeared, "but that don't mean I hate you. I need to know i can trust ya before I go on and forgive you for what you did."

I nodded, understanding. "I'm sorry."

"I know ya are," and he smiled. A real smile.

"So, how long-"

XxX

"So how much longer till we get to New York?" Curly asked, frustrated. He was tired of traveling, and just wanted to be there already. He wasn't the only one. I was sick and tired of driving, sleeping, and trying to survive on my own.

"I don't know," I grumbled, trying to keep my eyes on the road, "Few hours, maybe?"

"I hate this!" he crumbled up the map and threw it at the windshield.

"Well, this was your bright idea."

"Shut it Curtis!" He growled, giving me a glare. I bit my lip, holding in a laugh.

XxX

It was late at night, and Curly had gone to sleep. He insisted that he drove, but I didn't trust him.

XxX

Curly was snoring loudly, and I was about to wake him up. It was annoying.

A few minutes later, I passed a sign that said, 'NEW YORK'.

I slapped Curlys arm. "Curly, wake up! Were in New York!"

XxX

Review, please! I've been losing a lot of my reviewers! :(


	12. Chapter 12 New World

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders**

**Warning: Cliff Hanger**

I made a trailer!: .com/watch?v=lyz0uoX-U-0

**XXX  
><strong>

**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there**  
><strong> Become so tired, so much more aware<strong>  
><strong> I'm becoming this, all I want to do<strong>  
><strong> Is be more like me and be less like you<strong>

XXX

New York was different from Tulsa.

In New York, there's actually traffic, unlike Tulsa, where there is barely any. There's a lot of people walking around, and I mean a lot. It's more than Tulsa has, by a long shot. I could already tell that this is going to be an adventure, for both good and bad.

"Damn, New York sure has changed a lot.." Curly muttered. He had his face plastered to the window.

"You've been here before?"

He sat up and leaned back in his seat. "Yup. Tim and I were here few years ago," he said, and then muttered, "That was one rough week..."

"What?" I pushed on the breaks before I rammed into the back of a car and looked over at Curly.

"Did you learn nothin' from Dallas? New York is rough place, man. People get mugged, stabbed, killed! It's a wild place here," Curly said.

"I know that.." I muttered, and started driving when a car behind me honked it's horn. I tried to focus on the road, but I couldn't. Thoughts were running through my head, almost distracting me from the road.  
>What was going to happen? I knew this wasn't going to be a simple town, from the way Curly put it. I knew New York was bad, but I never really thought deeply into it. I knew I never would go there, but look where I am now. I'm in New York, only with Curly, and no one else. How are we going to make it in this town?<p>

XxX

"Damn it, where the hell is he?" I muttered, and slammed the door behind me. Curly hasn't showed up for days, and I'm getting pissed. I know he likes to stay at other places for a night or two, but it's been more than a night or two. He hasn't shown up around at town at all, and I'm not happy.

"Don't slam the door!" Angela hissed at me, looking up from the couch. She was busy doing whatever the hell Angela does, which I try not to get involved with.

"Have you seen Curly anywhere?" I asked, ignoring her comment.

"Nope," she muttered, not caring about her brother. Between those two, you could actually feel the hate. They never get along much, unless I force them. But even then, that doesn't help.

"I'm going to go look for him.." I muttered, stood up and walked out again.  
>XxX<p>

"Two-Bit?" I asked, walking up behind him. We were in town, and I could tell by the way he walked he has had a few drinks.

"Huh?" he turned around, and his eyes widened a bit. He stood still. "Darry?"

"Yes," I said, and shoved my hands into my pockets. "Been a while, huh?"

He had a look of anger. "What the hell do you want?"

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

He didn't answer, and I took the chance to talk before he did anything. "I'm sorry for what happened. We pushed everything away from us..(… we)We only fought more and more. We tore our gang apart.."

He put his hand up. "Wait a second, your sorry? You push me away, even when I tried to help. You pushed Steve away, and he tried to fucking help too! You expect me to forgive you?" He wasn't acting like he was buzzed at all.

"No I don't," I started, hoping we wouldn't start yelling. "Let me finish. I don't expect you to accept the apology. I just hate what had happened. I can't say I didn't mean to do it, because it happened, and I can't take it back. I wish it had never happened. I wish none of this had happened, and maybe Pony wouldn't have ran away."

"Wait, what?" Two-Bit said. "Pony ran away?"

I forgot, he didn't know. "Pony hit his limit. He broke. He couldn't take any more."

Two-Bit's eyes widen, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Tim Shepard strolled up to us.

"Howdy," he said, and shook hands with us. Two-Bit nodded a hello, and I did the same. It felt weird not seeing Two-Bit silly or saying a dumb joke. I guess I could say it was my fault that he isn't.

"Why are you here?" I asked, glancing from Two-Bit to Tim.

"Just out searching for Curly," he muttered.

"What happened to him?"

Tim looked at me with a tired look. "He just hasn't been around for a few days. I don't know where the hell he is." Shows how much he cares about his brother..

"Well, if I see him, I'll get him to you."

"Alright. See ya'll around!" he said, and started walking away.

I turned to Two-Bit. "Did you have to say something?"

"What?" he asked, a confused tone to his voice.

"Before Tim showed up, you looked like you were about to say somethin'."

"Oh, about that," he said, and looked away, then at me. "I think I know where Pony and Curly are heading."  
>XxX<p>

**I'm tired of being what you want me to be**  
><strong> Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface<strong>  
><strong> Don't know what you're expecting of me<strong>  
><strong> Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes<strong>  
><strong> (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)<strong>  
><strong> Every step that I take is another mistake to you<strong>  
><strong> (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)<strong>

**XXX**

**Review!  
><strong>


	13. Chapter 13 Reality hits

Im pretty sure a lot of you hate me. Well, writing isnt freaking easy, along with balancing school, spring play, boyfriend shit, and graduation in a month. So please don't beg. Im trying to make time, I swear. So, enough of my nagging! heres a nice chapter for you all. Thanks for sticking around :)

**How the hell did we wind up like _this?_**  
><strong>Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed<strong>  
><strong> And try turn the tables? Someday, somehow<br>I'm gonna make it all right, but not right now  
>I know you're wondering when.<strong>

**XxX  
><strong>

"What?"

"Dar, you goin' deaf or somethin'?" Two-bit started. "I said, I think I know where they are."

"Two-bit, I heard you!" I yelled, but lowered my voice. "What do you mean? How?"

"Well," he began, "I was at the bar. Big surprise, huh? Anyway- It was gettin' loud inside and I wasn't up to bein' in there, so I grabbed me a beer and headed on out. I sat down, and just enjoyed the cold air and my beer. But I caught sight of two people talkin'. Being me, I wanted to hear what the buzz is about, so I scooted close enough to hear, but to where they can't see me. The one kid, Curly, asked Pony, "Wanna go to New York with me?" Pony sorta stood there for a while. I guess he was thinkin' or somethin'. Anyway, after awhile, he said, "Yeah, I'll go." They said some stuff I couldn't understand, and left. I caught glimpse of one of them, and knew it was Pony. To think, I thought they were drug dealers!" He chuckled a bit, but I gave him a look of 'Knock it off' and he continued on. "I kept on thinkin' 'bout why Pony was going, but I just pushed it off."

I was speechless. He knew something, and he didn't tell me! "Why didn't you tell me? I've spent sleepless days searching for Ponyboy! You could've told me, and maybe things would be normal!"

Now begins the yelling. "So this is my fault, Darry? It's my fault Pony ran away? It's my fucking fault that I ruined everything? Think about it." He shook his head and turned around, but looked back at me once more. "I wouldn't blame Pony for running away. You blame everyone else for things that you did. Maybe if you loosened your grip on life a bit, you'd see what the hell your doing to your damn family. Do you think you're really gonna get anywhere? Just think about it Darry. Maybe you'll understand this, and really understand the damn situation."

He never looked back. He just walked away from me, no more words said. He left me there, speechless.

What have I done?

XxX

"Curly, can I ask you a question?" I asked after a while of silence. We decided to ditch the car and go on foot. Curly seemed to have his mind set on something, and I didn't feel like asking him question after question. He knows this place better than me. I'm afraid if I annoy him, he's just gonna ditch me. It's not like he'll care. He has connections here; but I don't. He's basically my survival here.

"Shoot Curtis," he said.

"Why New York? I mean, why did you want to go here?" I looked at him, but he didn't give me a stupid look. He just smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"This place- I just love it here. That and I've met some good pals here. I've pretty much grown up here, besides in Tulsa too. I just, you know..belong here."

I nodded, but didn't say anything about it.

"Where are we going?"

"I know a few people in these apartments. Give us some place to stay and make plans. Sound okay?" He looked at me for approval.

Of course I agreed. "Yeah." But I didn't know what lies ahead of me. I don't know what danger he's putting us in.

But it's a risk I'm going to take. I was suddenly craving a cigarette. I pulled one out of my pocket and started searching for my lighter. When I couldn't find it, I started to panic.

I left it in the car.

I looked at Curly. "Hey Curly, got a light?"

"Yeah-" he reached in his pocket and threw me one.

"Thanks." I lit up the stick and put it in my mouth. I blew smoke in the air and watched it. I suddenly thought of home.

I thought of the times in the summer when Johnny and I would be outside. We would have a smoke and talk about stuff that we only really understood. We laughed and talked for hours. If only I-

"Pony?" Curly said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Are you crying?" he said, a smirk on his face.

"What?" I touched my eye and felt water. "Nah, it must be, uh- rainin' or somethin'." It was a lie, and a very stupid one.

But I can't lose it now.

I can't ever.

XxX

It was getting dark, and I was tired. I needed to find Darry.

On the way to the house, I ran into Darry. I was surprised; I thought he would be home waiting for me. He didn't look like his normal self, which I wasn't surprised about it. No one has been the same. Everyones changed. It's like one of Pony's nightmares. They get to him, and he acts different. It's the same thing; everyone's different because of this nightmare. But this isn't any ordinary nightmare. This is a living one, and we can't wake up from it.

"Dar, Dar! Wait up!" I yelled, and started jogging towards him. I caught up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "So, what happened? Did ya talk to Two-bit?"

He didn't answer, and just kept walking. I stood there a little shocked, but caught up with him again.

"Dar, you gonna-"

He stopped.

"This is all my damn fault."

xXx

**Can't you see that you're smothering me,**  
><strong> Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?<strong>  
><strong> 'Cause everything that you thought I would be<strong>  
><strong> Has fallen apart right in front of you.<strong>

**yay! cliffhanger! Now, review please if you still love me! Just , your reviews make my world ten times better!  
><strong>


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